Norway 2025

I never got to share my pictures from Norway, or at least not as many as I would have liked. I was beating myself up when I got home, and the reason why speaks to how rusty I feel behind the camera now a days. I forgot to format them to a large size, so all of my pictures are so small! I was and still am heart broken. Especially because I got one of my dream shots and I was hoping to make large prints from this trip for my walls at home. Oh well. I can't believe this trip was already over a year ago.

I still dream about the lush, verdant forests, the soft moss sprawled across the grounds, and the gossamer fogs draped in the hills.

All of these photos were taken in Bergen, Norway. It's a beautiful town on a marina surrounded by the lovely Mount Floyen and the Fjords, the locations where most of these shots were taken. Hopefully if the day comes that I do get to return, I get this magical lighting that was present here, and I won't be as rusty behind the camera. 

I hope you enjoyed these photos!

Used a Canon 6D with a 50mm f/1.8

Dancer of Ranah inspired Outfit

Lughnasdh sparked some inspiration for me to finally get dolled up to go out for a little. As Elden Ring has been my roman empire, I found myself thinking about the Dancers of Ranah as I was getting ready for the day as well as some common motifs with Lughnasdh.

"The dance of Ranah is one of burning passion, and the most passionate dancers never allow their fiery dance to end, losing even their names as they dance on. To see the passion fade is to see the dancer's flame extinguished."

"The passionate dance comprises no seductiveness, but merely a dignified beauty."

Thinking about the lore around the Dancers of Ranah and how much it resonated with me as I felt I had lost my flame many a times in the last few years. 

It's interesting to note what has been able to spark my flame in the past here and there. I have been working with embers for such a long time that it felt good to have this ignition, even if it was for a moment. Will this spark last? I hope so. I have refused to let my flame fully extinguish.

What lore in a game or story has inspired you? 

What should I do an outfit inspired by next?

Credits to Elden Ring Wiki for lore quotes from the game.

Breaking the silence with some books

 

Hello ghostlings,

It's been a while. I haven't had much to say or share here but I found this draft from 2022 and had the strongest urge to update it and share it. Below are some books that I have personally loved and wanted to share with you, and I must say I have had a good amount of time to read some great ones since the start of the pandemic and just before. These last few years have been an excellent time for some literary escapism in-between the learning and unlearning from all the events we have experienced in that time. Here I will share some books I really enjoyed since 2020ish until now and my thoughts on them:

1. We Have Always Lived in the Castle 
by Shirley Jackson
I wished I read this book in the summer time when gardens are full bloom and fresh crops are available. This book could inspire anyone into homesteading, within capacity of course. The ways Jackson talks about all the magic that happens in the kitchen makes your mouth water! Aside from the kitchen magic in this book, I found the story really pulled me in. The way the character's dialogue creates more questions and leaves you wanting even more answers had me glued to this book! The mystery around it all was so fun, maybe a little predictable, but satisfying to have possibly deduced it yourself and find out you were correct!


2. The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane 
by Katherine Howe
Where are my Salem people at? I loved this book. It was a really interesting historical fiction story about a young woman studying in Cambridge, MA, who slowly, through odd instances, learns how she is tied to the Salem Witch Trials and about her ancestry. As someone who loves learning about this piece of history in hopes to break old patterns from happening again in today's world, this was a really wonderful read. If you're craving some subtle witchy goodness, I would strongly recommend giving this book a read.


3. Cursed Bunny
by Bora Chung
This book felt like reading the movie 'Parasite' but in so many other forms it could have taken. To the unease the author plops you in throughout her writing, to the really interesting social commentary the stories touch on within their horrors makes this book so captivating and hard to put down. Of all of the recent books I have read (which isn't that many), this was the one I read the quickest. If you're sensitive to mild to moderate body horror tread carefully, but if not, this book will be a trip worth traveling. 


4. Red Rabbit 
by Alex Grecian

I would describe this as a 'Witchy Western" and I need more of this genre since reading this book. I know it does have a sequel which I will be hunting down at some point, but I digress. This book was a lovely southern gothic novel, following a couple of really likeable characters, with even the unlikeable ones having some redeeming traits later. This was action packed, which I did not expect to enjoy, and full of mystery, mysticism, and thrills. You don't realize how desolate the west was until you are transported to that time and place in this book. I highly recommend this read!

I was going to do a 5th book, but I don't know if I have one that I could excitedly talk about. Since beginning to write this post (which I started in 2020..) a lot has changed, even the books on this list for the most part! 

Have you read any of these books? Excited to try one? Let me know!

Deep Wood Magicks

 

                                                                It's been a while dearies...

I haven't done an OOTD in a long time, mostly because I rarely use my poor camera anymore. Covid changed so much for me.

But I wanted to come in with a lil outfit that made me feel magical for a moment. I love layering different fabrics to create a lot of texture!

I don't want to share where i got the top from because it's an icky store (and I don't even have it anymore because of that reason). But you can find a similar top if you search "lace cropped cami" and I love how it paired with my drippy, gauzy wrap sweater by Talismana Designs on Etsy! I just wore a light jersey skirt in black with a jagged hem to add to the deep woods witch vibe I was craving this day. 

I love simple looks, especially when they are comfortable. As much as I love corsets and the like, sometimes I just want something I can move in with ease! Simplicity + magic = a look like this!

Happy dressing!

A quiet place...

 From my exploration of Letchworth Village in 2015:

You can go here and here for more information about it's history.

Hazy Summer Days, pt 1

 Can you hear the cicadas cry?

Until next time...

Healing in the Forest...

When life feels heavy, like nothing will ever get better or change, what do we do? What do we do with these thoughts that weigh on us in the middle of the night? We can do so much, and sometimes, no matter how active we are, no matter how much advocating one does, it doesn't feel like enough, and sometimes we internalize that, which isn't fair to ourselves.

When I find myself stuck in these spiraling thoughts, I think of the woods...

Or better yet, I go to them...

We live in a world now that seems to not normalize rest, and taking it slow. How are we supposed to being change, and advocate for change, when we are entirely burnt out and hopeless? We need to rest, and take care of ourselves.

Go to the forest.

Smell, touch, feel, hear the forest. Let it bring you that peace you need to move forward.

I don't have much else to say, but sometimes words aren't what we need. Sometimes we just need stillness, silence, serenity.

I hope this post find you well.

I'll see you soon.

Photos taken with a Canon 6D, 50mm lens.

Find me on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/ghostsirenofficial

On Loving Yourself

 We often hear people say, "you have to love yourself before someone else can love you" or "it's so important to love ourselves" and this term of "self love" floats around us in what seems like an unpoppable, unattainable bubble. 

What is this self love they speak of? I used to ask myself this all of the time and I would also ask myself "what am I doing to not love myself?" Well, the latter was easier to answer, and that is how I was able to being my quest to attain self love. Let me walk you through my process:

1. I used to compare myself to others, constantly. I remember being so insecure and so unhappy and uncomfortable in my own skin. I used to look at other girls with envy and sometimes even distaste because they had something I did not and could not have. I was being so unfair to myself and to them. Eventually, I was better able to appreciate what made me stand out and replace my jealousy with admiration (I certainly thing becoming so into photography helped a ton, I see and love beauty everywhere). I was able to acknowledge that comparing myself to others means that I was not appreciating what maybe others were jealous of me for. I was choosing to ignore my positive qualities and traits because it did not fit this ideal that I imposed on myself. I then chose to change my ideal to what I had and find women I share traits with whom I admired in order to feel even better about them. I also allowed myself to relish in my interests and my hobbies, dress up whenever I felt like it and expressed myself in ways that felt true to me. This is when my journey began. 
2. I was unkind to myself. It did not help that many were unkind to me as I was growing up. However, where that went wrong was a. I allowed them to be unkind to me, and b. I believed what they would say about me. I began to label myself as things such as "ugly", "stupid", "a space cadet", "incapable", and "a waste of skin." As I used these labels, they formed into a terrible identity for myself. I would say this came before I began comparing myself to others. This is the genesis to my self-loathing I had to fight. Clinically, "labeling" ourselves is a cognitive distortion. What that means when we label or judge ourselves is that we are having an unfair thought about ourselves in that moment. When we label ourselves we are not just unkind to ourselves but unfair and unrealistic. 
3. I let others decide my worth. I find this is very common. It is so ingrained in us to find validation through others, and by doing so, allow others to decide if we are enough. The truth is, you already are. I found it really empowering to sit and think about what I really did like about myself, outside of what others told me they liked about me. It was difficult at first! My mind kept going back to "well, this person likes this..." and I had to stop myself and ask if I liked it too, because MY opinion of myself matters more anyway. Do I like everything about myself? No, of course not. But with this came a new appreciation for the things I can change about myself and work on; as well as the acceptance of parts of me that I can't change and loving them anyway, as traits that makes me unique. As far as seeking relationships, it was helpful to look for others who loved the same things I loved about myself. This one brought so much clarity to me as a person and I found it being the most helpful to loving myself.

This is a journey. I am only at the beginning, but it has made a world of a difference already. I still have much more to learn, but I assure you, it's a path worth walking down. You deserve to love yourself and have other love you for that as well.

Healing our Grief

Grief. Bereavement. Guilt. 

These are beasts I am still learning to tame to this day. At some point in most of our lives we are plagued by these experiences, and usually, not always, it's caused by a loss. It feels never ending, fierce, and unbearable. What do we do with this pain? There are many ways to cope with loss and the grief it comes with. 

I lost my best friend, Peanut, in August 2020. She was my little fur angel and my most reliable companion. Waking up in the morning and starting my day was easier because of her. She gave me and my family so much joy and laughter. Once she left us, everything went silent and I felt my world crumbling to pieces. I honestly was scared that the pain in my chest and my deep sorrow and worry would consume me and never go away. Has it all gotten better already? No. Has it gotten a little easier? Yes. Let me share with you what has helped me so far.

My little fur angel, Peanut.

Honor Your Pain. The first thing I found most helpful was honoring my pain. If I needed to cry I would. I would not hold back my tears, screams, hollers, etc. It's tempting to drown out the pain with external things such as maybe another dog, alcohol, and other forms of escapism; however, that is only a Band-Aid and will not aid in your healing. Being honest and true to your emotions will help that process move along, it just takes time.

Spirituality. This one isn't for everyone. I'm not going to go tell and atheist to suddenly find spirituality, unless it made sense to them. However, this helped me immensely. It helped me to believe that Peanut is still with me in my heart and in spirit. The idea of her being gone forever is indeed too much to bear, so I like to think she is still with me. I had a therapist also tell me to give her assignments such as guiding my parents new dog, Spike, around the ways of the household, or protecting my parents since I do not live with them anymore. It was uncanny how Spike would lay in all of her favorite spots and do some of the same behaviors as her, despite being a totally different breed of dog. It really felt like she was there helping us and watching us. It gave me a lot of comfort to feel that.

Mementos. Making mementos such as photo prints, even magnets and ornaments can be very helpful. Especially when all of the feelings are fresh. It can be reassuring to see their face and their expressions to almost make it harder to forget them. Every little thing I made of Peanut was to reassure that she will not only be in my heart but in my mind forever and I can continue to honor the joy and life she gave me with her time on Earth. 

Celebrate their Life. One of the first things I did once we began to prepare for Peanut's cremation was go through pictures I had of her. I love photography, as you might know following me here, and I have literally thousands of photos of her. I had some on my walls, in my drawers, in and on my desk. Having her face visible to me brought me some comfort and reflected the loving life we did our best to give her. Of course it hurt, but it also would make me smile to think upon the memories each photo would place into my mind and it made some of my guilt and shame feel smaller and less valid, because let's be real, sometimes... Usually, our negative thoughts that cause these negative feelings are not valid and unfair to us. I know that Peanut was loved, so loved and had a good life, and these photos were proof of that. Talking to my parents and my sister about all of the memories we had of her, good and bad, that we loved and cared for her as hard as we could since she entered our world in 2009. Celebrating that life, her life, and honoring it, brought a little light into my darkness. 

Don't Be Afraid to Seek Support. I eventually chose to go to a bereavement specialist because despite the instances of my crying decreasing and my acceptance of Peanut's fate settling in, I was still riddled with fear and anxiety that someone would suddenly die. I knew I was still holding on to something, but I needed further guidance to understand what that was. I went to a therapist that specialized in grief, trauma and somatic intervention. I personally have no shame or negative feelings about therapy, but I do know that many people do. Being a therapist myself, I know how healing therapy can be if you want to be there. If there is something in your heart telling you to get help, welcome that and give your heart the healing it needs. My therapist helped me so much with managing this new kind of anxiety that was preventing me from doing much. I helped profoundly and I strongly recommend it for anyone with a heavy heart. 

There are many ways to grieve. I happened to use all of these to help me cope with a significant and sudden loss in my life. I hope this helps you move forward and begin to heal. You deserve to heal and live on.

Good luck.

The Stages of Heartbreak

     Dealing with heartbreak is never a walk in the park. You put your heart and soul into something, in this case a relationship, and it can disappear in the blink of an eye. Years of history, memories, and trust can suddenly seem to mean nothing to one participant. Just coping with that loss can be the hardest part. Of course, there is also the person whom you made all of those memories with. Seeing them on social media, out at your favorite bar, anywhere, can be just as difficult. It’s like your beautiful, lush world was just destroyed by an unpredictable volcano. It feels like you are being made to watch the once tall, healthy trees, the sweet woodland critters, and the green grass burn and melt into ashes. As you go to pick up a small bit of those ashes they blow away and it feels absolutely devastating. You feel alone, lost, and even scared. Scared of what is to come, and of the uncertainty of the near future or even the far future. “Will I always be alone? Will I get past this? Am I capable of being loved? Will I ever be able to trust someone again?” These are some of the thoughts that might poke at our weary brain when we are aching. 

    Something I have noticed over time is that it does get less scary. I remember being a sixteen year old and going through my first big heartbreak. The person I was with chose someone else and I was left feeling like I would never be good enough for anyone else. I was later proven wrong by another showing interest. When you are young, acceptance is one of the most important and sought after feelings. That never really goes away though, does it? As we grow up, we learn who will accept us, what we do that is deemed acceptable, and eventually, usually, we find our niche. When you are young, you don’t know this will happen. Something like a first breakup feels like society’s most profound rejection, until it suddenly stops feeling that way. Things ebb and flow when you are young and life is fast. 

    I’ve noticed that discrepancy now that I am older. I went through a break up at the age of 29. I was so sure we were going to get married, see the world, have kids, and buy a house on a massive plot of land. All of those dreams shattered in an instance and those thoughts haunted my brain for months, especially, “Will I always be alone?” Getting over this hurdle was a very different process for me at this age. By then I had friends I can lean on; I felt loved by them. I have a family who I learned by then will always support me. I have hobbies and things I love to do. It dawned on me that I was able to process the loss because I have an established life outside of the relationship and I was still loved and cared about. With this in mind, it allowed me to heal. It allowed me to accept that maybe then was not the right time for a relationship and something else will come, but now I must focus on my own needs. Of course, the fear of never finding someone was there, but even that went away over time. I was able to take pride that I was going into my “flirty thirties” single and maybe ready to mingle. 

    Heartbreak can be one of the worst invalidating, rejecting, and painful experiences we as humans can experience as it is a type of loss and more. It’s easy to forget that heartbreak can be overcome. It’s easy to remember that the persons we commit ourselves to romantically are not the only people capable of loving us and accepting us. We have friends, family, and community. These are our protective factors that allow us to handle overpowering stress. It is empowering to know who you can lean on for support and to have those reminders that we are worthwhile and important as well as to have people in your life to help you stand on your own once again. I am forever thankful for those who helped me heal and be strong once more.

What a time to be alive...

I feel like I first need to acknowledge that last years goal for here was such a flop!

Whoops.

Alas, I am still here, and I guess I shall continue to post irregularly for now.

I wanted to check in, for anyone reading this, due to the chaotic times we are all living through right now as I type this. It feels like society is bursting at the seams with anxiety, rage, and fear. I have never lived through anything like this before. I don't think any of us have. Something like this hasn't happened for over 100 years ago, and toilet paper probably wasn't an issue then. I digress, these times are indeed scary.

What can you do about it? A few things in fact!

Social Distancing. 

You might be seeing this all over the place, and maybe you are already doing this. Stay home. Just stay put. This might be hard to do, especially for any socialites or workaholics reading this, you're probably thinking I am crazy. Maybe I am; however, staying home is the most responsible thing you can do right now. The sooner everyone is on board with that, the sooner this will pass.

When social distancing you can catch up on your favorite TV shows, Movies, Hobbies, Books, anything that you want! Good thing we are in the 21st century where we can video chat with our friends and family if we begin to get lonely. Social distancing can be what you make of it!

Hygiene.

For those who just feel like they cannot do the above, then here is what you should be doing. Washing you hands. Sure, you can also use hand sanitizer, but soap is far more effective! Make sure you are not touching your face or anyone else's for that matter, especially with unwashed hands. Of course be mindful when out in public as to what you are touching and just try to wash up as fast as you can. There are reminders for this everywhere it seems!

Self Care.

This has been a terribly anxiety inducing time for everyone. Whether you are staying home or going to work, please take some time for yourself during the day to check in with a loved one, do something nice for yourself, talk to someone about your own feelings. Remember you are not alone in all of this and this will eventually pass once everyone does their part. 

Stay safe out there.

Love and Light,

Ghost

Soon... Blossoms

I cannot believe it's April already.

In February, I find it difficult to be inspired. The trees are still asleep. The grass is grey. Where I am at least, there isn't much snow.

The world's magic is asleep.

Therefore, so is my creative inspiration for the most part.

However, I try not to let that beat me anymore. I have been going through a lot of new changes in February! New full time job, new desk (yes, it's a big deal), new room arrangements, and new schedule. When this much is going on, I find it most important to make sure you make time for self-care and time to be creative.

(March kind of came and went.
Not much to say there...)

But it's April. I find April and May to be very romantic months. They usually find their way to reigniting my creative fire after winter has stepped it out. Now that I am finally in my new groove of work and not work... I have been able to make time for creative projects and self care again. These past two months were brutal.

Now we can sit excitedly for the rain to come and bring color to our world again.

I wish I had more to say, but I honestly already forgot about my 2019 goal of one post a month with everything going on.

Maybe I can keep up with it better now.